I wrote this article in my head at least 1000 times in the last 27 days. Yet when I tried to open the Macbook, I couldn't. I ardently wish to write an article in memory of my father to make it known even to those of you who never knew him because this blog exists first of all thanks to him, who for 33 years believed in me even when I didn't do it myself e it spurred me to the last second not to settle for a life that wasn't tailored to me. My every success is his, yesterday, today and tomorrow. And this pain that I carry inside me hour after hour, which almost prevents me from breathing, I sincerely hope it turns into courage to go on to be a better and better person. Talking about my father means talking about me: he and I have been, are and will always be one, one soul with two hearts beating in unison. Even now, wherever he is.
My father died of the most bastard cancer of all, metastatic melanoma, on December 18, 14 months after his diagnosis and after fighting like a lion until the last 2 days. I'll never forget when my dad told me about the diagnosis at grandma's house. How will I never forget the series of more or less big shit that I did in the months immediately following (and which I am still paying for) to avoid those words "it is a tumor that leaves no way out". I would have traded all the years I have left to have even one with him who was fine, to spend together every moment doing what we loved doing: dreaming. My father taught me that "if you can dream it you can do it ", that I have no limits other than those that I ask myself. That I have no walls ahead of my possibilities except those that I myself raise. That I can be all or nothing, and that this depends only on me. My father taught me that the impossible does not exist and that every goal depends only on our "mindset", on ours will, From 'commitment what we put to reach it e from our ability to persevere before the no and the failures that naturally belong to us. My father, who after having his leg amputated at the end of June came to me with his prosthesis in August after only a week using it and was as good as it could be ... Moreover, coming to me is more difficult for a person with poor mobility because there is also to get on the ferry. But he wanted at all costs to spend mid-August together, at my house, and he believed it. I confess that in those days even my mother and I believed it, that she could still live a few years with that monster she had inside. Of course, 5 years after diagnosis there are not even 5% of the sick still alive. But my father is different from everyone, he's my superhero, he can do it ... that's what I thought. Today I say fortunately that he stopped and came, that I uncorked the last bottle of Dom Perignon 2004 which thrilled us, that I cooked all his favorite dishes, that we had bathed together in the pool hugging each other. Because those 5 days in August in this house are the last memories I have of myself and him.
My father was a gentleman not just because of how he kept his fork while he ate, but because of his attitude towards life and people. My father he taught me not to get angry and not complain about daily injustices, not to raise your voice, not to throw down the phone, to always seek dialogue before the battle, to respect the rules of our society, to have a strong civic sense, not to get drunk, not to pay Roman-style, never betray the trust of a partner or friend, to confront myself only, to have patience stoic, to praise the good work of others, to never show up at someone's house without a good bottle, not to offend me, to read a lot, to ignore criticism (since these almost always belong to those at a lower level than mine and is consumed in envy), to always explain the reason for my every choice, to appreciate silence more than the superfluous word, not to gossip or attract them, to not control people or their technological objects, not to listen to conversations to which I am not invited, not to swear or blasphemy, to respect those who have different ideas from mine because it is a great wealth for me, to always believe in the future even when they tell you there is no future, to believe that the “Mulino Bianco” family exists and is a goal to aspire to, even if Rosita and Banderas don't really live there. My father taught me all these things, even if I haven't always lived up to his values because last year I was so unhappy that I lost my patience and, those who know me well, know that I have an almost industrial quantity of them. . In November, however, I chose, for him, to return "to me" and this year I am going to complete this process.
This is why I decided to write these with my heart 8 good intentions for the 2019 and to dedicate them to him. With the aim of succeeding, within my limits as a human being, ad being the daughter that a man so extraordinary and out of the ordinary deserved.
Good intentions for the 2019 #1: Do today what I could do tomorrow
Those who know me well know that I am the embodiment of the ZEN spirit. Nothing breaks me down. Nothing moves me. Nothing makes me nervous. Everything can be done, possibly in 5 minutes. Or rather 10, the ideal is to think about it tomorrow. In itself I am not a person who procrastinates at all, on the contrary I always carry out the commitments made on time, except for a few cases of nuclear reactors exploding south of my back. But I'm in no hurry, ever. I'm not in a hurry even if the ferry is about to leave, I'll take one later. I have more lost trains on my resume than wines tasted, and that's a saying. Besides, who said that missing the train didn't turn into a wonderful opportunity? I'm sure you've seen Sliding Doors too. In high school, I fell in love with Leibniz and his theories about the reality we see and don't see, of what is beyond the door. Every day we make choices that inevitably change the course of our life and we cannot know what this actually entails. Some say the joys and pains of free will, but in reality it is much more complex because each of our actions opens and closes a series of paths for a whole series of other people who suffer it directly or indirectly. I believe that every human being is connected to all others, even beyond the six degrees of separation. My every action affects the life of every inhabitant of the planet, albeit as a distant echo. It is not presumption: in the same way I suffer the same thing. I have a patience and a stamina in pursuing everything that is unthinkable for 99% of the world population, of that I am absolutely certain. And this is how I can achieve any desired result, provided I am given the time to do so.
Good intentions for 2019 #2: Getting back into shape in body and mind
Ah, how much he cared for my dad! He always said it to me: I made a woman so beautiful that it is a pity that she fights a year with a year and a year with the balance. And in fact between the 2017 and the 2018 I took a lot of weight due to my inability to immediately get rid of a particularly toxic person who devastated me in every respect. But I am happy that my father was alive enough to know that I closed the chapter, because he was particularly keen on that too. One of my merits is certainly that I never blame the boundary conditions for my shortcomings, but as the full architect of my destiny I am proud of my successes and aware of my mistakes. Instead, talking to the people around me, I notice that this quality of mine is very rare: when they do not reach the desired result or something is not as they had planned, it is always the fault of the neighbor, of the State, of the Government, of time, of the cat and so on and so forth! Frankly, the very idea that what I do in my life depends on something external to me terrifies me, so I prefer to take on the responsibility of both successes and the failures I get. The point is simple: if the responsibility is mine, I can check the result. E if it is something in my power, I can get it. Everything depends on my own will and ability to adjust the shot if I do not reach the desired result. Fine then! I decided that I have to lose 16 kg by 8 May, that is by my 34th birthday and regain the ideal weight, which is synonymous with both Beauty and Health. Take care of your appearance it is not something that denotes superficiality, far from it: it is a caress to one's self-esteem. We are an inside and an outside, and our outside is a reflection of what we are inside, whether we like it or not. And I'm not talking about "physiognomy" or those bodily characteristics that were "imposed" on us from birth (shape of the nose, height ...), but about what is in our power, how to have manicured hands (I have a real obsession for hands for example). There is a song by Franco Battiato, Il Cammino interminabile, which reads: "If you want to know your thoughts yesterday look at your body today. If you want to know how you will be tomorrow, observe your thoughts today."What do you think today?
Good intentions for the 2019 #3: Avoiding toxic people and not settling for mediocre relationships
I am very possessive and I am fully aware of it. My 2 closest friends, Fabrizio and Marco, know that the day they introduce me to a woman like their girlfriend, she will have to pass tests that not even the worst mother-in-law, with the full certainty that she will hate me. Maybe that's why they never presented me with one, but after all I prefer to live in ignorance and think that I'm the only princess in their ... THOUGHTS. Having said that, since 2012 I have run into a series of men so wrong and toxic that even if I put an ad in the gazette with the title "wanted fool of the worst kind" I could overcome myself. Well, I admit I broke a mirror (even if I hid my hand, glass and the like) and di I got 7 years of sentimental bad luck. Now I am ready to be happy, with the awareness that a more "perfect" woman does not exist and therefore I deserve the "perfect" man or at least his first degree substitute. Or his dog. [Let us remember that absolute perfection does not exist but there are people who in their imperfections are perfect for other people!] So a nice kick in the ass to toxic people (the balls rarely have them) e just be satisfied with mediocre relationships. Either a man treats me like the most precious of princesses because he is fully aware of my worth or he can calmly go to the Neverland ... so much - I know, I'm cynical to say, but it's the healthy cynicism of a woman who wants to be happy - I have a queue outside the door and no desire to waste time. I love to give and receive emotional security. Toxic people steal time and energy, and therefore more time. Time is the most precious thing we have, because regardless of our degree of wealth it is something that we cannot buy, nor set aside or store. For this we cannot allow anyone to steal precious hours from us. We can give money or goods, but never our time. Never forget it.
Good intentions for the 2019 #4: Create at least 4 good habits and be consistent in following them
My body and my mind are the receptacle of many good and equally so many bad habits that I have acquired over the years. Furthermore, I am convinced that we and our results, whether positive or negative, are the product of our habits. Our habits are something that is absolutely in our power to manage and control, it is not something external to us. Understanding this seemingly simple concept is the first step in changing what we don't like or don't work about us. This is why I decided this year to give me these 4 more good habits and to respect them day after day:
- Sleep 7 hours a day and always go to bed by 1 am.
- Walk for at least 10.000 every day regardless of weather conditions and my mood.
- Keep a food journal consistently. Even if I ate out or came a pack of aliens for dinner with me without an invitation.
- Dedicate 1 to my body now as soon as I wake up every morning to feel more beautiful and more confident than myself. Although I have 100 things to do.
I must say that, for example, I have already started 1 month to make the famous 10.000 steps every day. With very few exceptions (and I want to eliminate those too). Well, the benefit to my body and my mind has been so great and palpable, that the limiting conditions of laziness and physical fatigue have faded and left room for positive beliefs. Today I am happy to walk because well-being overcomes fatigue. Indeed, I feel less and less fatigue. And I feel less guilty about the delights I cook or the wines I taste. Do you walk every day or do other types of physical activity? Do you like? Does it make you feel good?
2019 Resolutions # 5: Making peace with the bureaucracy and administration of my work
Nothing bothers me more than the administration. And I'm the daughter of an accountant ... incredible isn't it? Just the thought of doing a hex gives me goosebumps. The round of VAT, which Fabrizio and my father explained to me I think at least 100 times, sounds more difficult to me than the Odyssey in Latin. Already sending a registered letter or similar is complicated even if the post is 100 meters from my house. This year, as if that weren't enough, electronic invoicing will complicate everything ... well, I decided that by 2019 I will fix everything and that I will learn to manage my work correctly and on time. Without the pretense that the chaos will be settled in one day, but with the expectation of doing everything right one step at a time. After all, in life I have learned that Big changes are a process and not an event, and it is precisely when you face them as an event that you fail your goals. My dad has always taken care of everything, for almost a year he has not taken care of anything because his health conditions were truly tragic even if he did not show it ... and now it's up to me to continue our projects and live up to his expectations. My dad was so proud of me that he talked to everyone about everything I did, yet I have certainly not been perfect in my life: I have known failure and success in equal measure. Of course I am aware that I have built a lot, indeed a lot to be just 33 years old. I am aware that it is not for everyone to live exactly where you want to do your dream job and adapt it to the lifestyle you want to do. Indeed, it is rare if not very rare. But I had an equally rare fortune: a father who believed and supported every crazy idea that has come to my mind since I was born and who donated the most precious thing he had - his time - to help me make it happen. My dad taught me that if I can dream it I can do it, that there is no goal that I cannot reach thanks to my intelligence and my sensitivity. So gentlemen, this year I can learn how to manage invoices and administration, this is also in my power and I will.
Good intentions for the 2019 #6: Learn to manage my time to have more time for me
One of the best things about my job is that I almost miss it when I'm not working. Yet I have spent the last 3 years working a lot and dedicating very little time to my physical and mental wellbeing. Meanwhile, let's start from one point: what does it really mean to “have more time for me”? How do I want to use this time? What do I want to do with it? I'm lucky enough to do the job I dreamed of doing when I was 8, well, maybe I didn't call it a "Wine blogger", but I wanted to write about a lake of something I loved and now I do exactly that. So we can say that my main passion is already my job. So what would i do in the time i want to have more for me? The right word is "To explore". Exploring my body, exploring my senses, exploring the people I love, exploring the world. And then I would like to "grow". What's nicer than growing up? Since childhood we want to know everything and already be grown up, then when we grow up we learn to appreciate the path sometimes even more than the finish line. Or maybe not, the goal is always the one that gives us the most joy? A little voice in my head says that an orgasm is always an orgasm, but you can get there in so many ways… nah, not all orgasms are the same! So let's recap: there are 24 hours, 1.440 minutes and 86.400 seconds in a day. Every day every human has the same amount of time, that choose to employ in different ways among the various possibilities what has or what is created. I am sure that every day you too waste a lot of time behind superfluous activities (for example you really need to stay on social media for several minutes which, if added together, turn into hours? Do you produce something in this time?), And that we all have time to do whatever we want or need to do. Then I want to learn how to manage my time day after day to avoid using the most famous and inflated excuse, namely: "I didn't have time to do it".
Good intentions for the 2019 #7: Learn to speak English fluently
When I was in France I was practically ashamed of my English. I was the only one to make the final video in Italian because I was not comfortable speaking English. Sure, I have a very good knowledge of grammar… but when it comes to speaking it is another matter entirely. If I think in high school how much fluency I also had to speak ... but how did I lose it like that? When I took the university exam I remember getting 99/100 in grammar and 33/100 in comprehension and speaking… for a total just enough and a kick in the ass that got me to level B2. I do a job that takes me abroad at least once a year e I would like to be able to deal with people from all over the world without effort. I also have people who follow my blog all over the world e I would like to learn to write well in a dual language for them too. Here too, I am against full immersions, I consider them like the latest American diet that promises you to lose 10 kg in a month ... yes, you can do it but you take them back with dear interests! Learning English, as well as losing weight, is a process and not an event (you hear me say it often, I know!) And therefore it comes from our own habits. If I dedicated 30 minutes to the English language every day, in 365 days I would have dedicated 10.950 minutes to it, or more than 182 hours. Let's bet I have improved my English and at least become more fluent? However, for today I am also happy to understand what people say here in Monte Isola! 😁
Good intentions for the 2019 #8: Create an editorial calendar and write 8 articles every month
We are on January 14th, and the blog has been in "silence" for some time because of what has happened. I had to remove my brain because for me it was an indispensable necessity. A little bit because already the month of October I had really hit the bottom of my life and, without exaggerating, I spent 20 hours a day working forgetting myself. My dad did proofreading for my book "How to become a sommelier" (which you can buy by clicking HERE) while he was chemo and went in and out of hospitals, in the days that told him there was no more. This book saved my life not only because it opened up the horizon to do exactly what I wanted from a business point of view, but because it was the last project that he and I took care of together, with the full knowledge that it would be was the last even if I didn't want to believe it. And I still don't believe it. I promised him to stop wasting time on "unjustly paid" jobs and spend more time on my blog, and that's why I decided that I will write 8 articles every month. For now I do not limit myself to periodicity time, also because this is a blog and not a newspaper. But I want to write 8 quality articles. For my dad and for you who have been reading me for 4 years now. For this reason, every 1st of the month I have decided to create an editorial calendar and to respect it. This is also in my power. If you have special requests for the next articles, I invite you to leave me a comment.
Completing this article was vital for me. Now I can begin to face the future. Now I can go back to work. Now I can try to transform this emptiness and pain that eats me inside day after day into a positive force, a little at a time and with absolute calm. My father and I have had such a relationship that only my mother knows how close it was, perhaps at times "morbid" for our living for each other always. Indeed, I take advantage of it here to thank my mother in front of everyone for being a woman capable of extraordinary resources. He helped and assisted my father in a way I never expected and made me realize that yes, was and is the woman who deserved such a great man, and it always has been, even when I didn't think so. The only positive thing about the atrocity we have lived and are experiencing is that it made me look at my mother in a different light and laid new foundations for a relationship that has been difficult for many years and that I hope has many years ahead for to flourish and become more and more beautiful.
By the way, for all wine producers and for all my readers: the 2019 edition of my sparkling wine guide "500 Bolle in 500" is only postponed. This was a project of me and dad, now I have to redesign it ... but I will be operational by Vinitaly 2019 ... promised! ❤
A hug and please: in this 2019 do not delay happiness! Neither you nor I are aware of our expiration dates. We do not know how much time we have left. This is why we learn to give value to really important things and learn to let go of everything that is superfluous to our happiness.
Happiness must be the "word of 2019" for each of us.